As I embrace the unexpected closure of a community chapter in our lives and release a vision not meant to be, the garden of my dreams are coloured with vivid imagery. The element of water, a constant presence in its many forms, calls me regularly to its teachings of flow and trust.
Beyond the realm of reason, across the plains of regurgitated thought and attachment, it invites me to a place of understanding.
This dream in particular holds a strong, personal significance at this time and its deliverance a soothing balm of remembering to walk in gratitude for what is, was and ever shall be .
The Dream …
I stand at the doorway of Sunbird cottage, a beautiful home space that once pulsed with promise and visions of an exciting future. My time here has come to an unexpected end and I am guided to the door by a hand that is familiar and Divine. Even in acknowledging its Divine presence, I am resistant as tendrils of longing still cling to a non-existent vision. The hand persists and I am nudged with extra force.
Beyond the door is a padded passageway of an asylum. To exit, I must pass through this hallway of madness. Inner tension rises as I see clusters of white jacketed, drooling beings littered in bundles along the passage, lost in a morass of varying stages of psychosis. I feel fear but I walk tenderly into this space, each step clouded in concern as I feel the various fields of energy emanating from each person that I pass.
I move through the complex labyrinth of churning forces until I emerge above the turbulence into a wonderful spacious experiential field of calmness. My understanding and interpretation at this point is that I have witnessed a tunnel of emotions of human experience. Even though they had a gnawing, restless quality to them that comprised such a mass of tangled energy, none of them harmed me physically. I was surprised that I could come to a place of peace beyond their intensity. Elated, I assumed that I had accomplished the task and was now able to fully exit the building.
But …
a significant force refuses my release. Assigned one last task, I am directed to a room with one person in it. I am told that a new chapter lay beyond this room. If I want access to it, I must pass through.
I see a lone figure crunched in the corner of a small room and based on my previous experience with the multitude of characters, I feel more confident of my thoroughfare and carry no fear. As I enter the room, the energetic field reveals the opposite. This figure lunges violently at me. With wild eyes blazing, stained teeth bared and a scarred shaven scalp, it circles me in a predatory way.
A frenzied physical and psychological scuffle ensues with this being swirling around me like a dark, tempestuous cloud carrying a storm of unearthly proportion. Rolling on the tiled floor I frantically scan the room searching for an exit but there is none.
Escape will not be met by something as simple as a doorway.
As I lock our forms in a confined embrace and momentarily calm the onslaught of fear based images bombarding my mind, I notice that its skull is covered with a dense, intricately woven blue web. Firmly attached, it feels to be the fuel of its psychotic state. Intuitively I know to peel this from the scalp but it does not release easily. We lash about the corners of the room in a frenzied, violent ball of growls, grunts and frustrations as I deftly work my fingertips between the web and the scalp whilst shielding myself from flaying arms and a ravenous, biting mouth.
Eventually my fingers reach far enough beneath the web to finally peel it off the scalp. As it lifts, a moment of pure awareness descends upon me as my senses expand into what I am truly seeing. The web lifts off the crown point of its scalp and a blinding white light explodes from the top of the head.
With the lights’ glaring presence comes a dissolution of boundaries as I experience the border between our physical forms melting away, revealing nuances of a single energy. My personal sense of “I” explodes into an underlying oneness.
I am one, aggressor and victim.
I am wrestling with non other than myself. Nothing outside of me is inflicting this upon me. The continuity I feel is not to be a field previously explored or viewed as “out” there but one that I already am… a dimension of my own existence.
In this existence we/I travel to the blinding center of stars, to the belly of the glorious fire of creation. Walls dissolve as does the “I” and the “We” and the “They” and the “Me”.
My mind is stripped naked … the body with which I travel through the hallway, no more.
I wake.
Like the synchronous blossoming of an infinite number of flowers, I rise to meet what is, with a heart filled with only gratitude for our time here.
